Sometimes you are inspired by random things, such as a passerby or the weather, other times you pull from whatever it is that you have experienced. Sometimes those experiences are traumatic, sometimes fickle and blown out of proportion, and then sometimes they are somewhere in between. This might be one of those grey area moments:

These two screens bore into my soul.

They brightly dull my day until I can no longer see because of

their painful luminosity.

However,

I would rather be robbed of any retinal use

for the foreseeable future than

be an extra in a scene I never auditioned for.

There are always those moments where

the sales team from the other side of the building is

for some reason or another

lurking in your area.

But when they are giving a grand tour of

chairs and work spaces not updated since Office Space came out

you know you have joined yet ANOTHER episode of

Give Us Your Money, Please.

The numbers

the percentages

the mind-numbing elevator speech that

if truly given on an elevator

would lead to massive deaths

due to the disgustingly vapid information delivered.

Elevator repair folks

would be on par with celebrities and athletes

due to the number of broken elevators.

But in all seriousness

I would rather be in one of those elevators

than in the background of

Give Us Your Money, Please.

Why, one might ask?

Because if I wanted to be an extra in a poorly written production

I would’ve been tree number three

in an elementary school play.

I am a HUGE fan of movies but

I AM NOT A PROP IN YOUR SALES PITCH.

Even props cost the people using them money.

Instead I’m

made to be background fodder about

how dedicated these employees are to getting the job done.

That’s why I always go and look for an elevator when

the sales team approaches,

so that I can take one for the team and destroy the

WORST. ELEVATOR PITCH. IN HISTORY.

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