By Daniel Paiz
Checking in with yourself is something I think is going to be happening more and more now that most of us are quarantined at home. The good thing about that is some people might be doing so for the first time in awhile, or quite possibly, ever. Part of why I write these things every April is to challenge myself and tackle writing consistently; however, I think another reason I write them is to check in with myself as well.
If you haven’t gauged where you are in life right now, do so. It won’t take long, and if you’re being honest with yourself, it might just lead to some solutions you didn’t know that you needed.
Your Past Traumas
Are Not Your Future’s Fault
Life changes in ways still be processed.
Whether you’re still working in public,
hustling from home,
Or learning how to file for unemployment,
It’s a lot to take in.
Anxiety, stress, mental health
all are things that you or I
might be dealing with for the first time,
Just like writing the first line of a rhyme,
The design is organic,
it’s meant to set the tone,
one that you don’t know how to keep playing,
but with each line feels like home.
Zone out, Zoom in,
Think of those brethren who
buckle up and mask on,
Rewind to what removed breath before I got home.
*rides bus to work*
hardly any masks on,
but a few scarfs and bandanas tucked,
I stroll through security feeling as if
I’m testing my luck,
frankly these engineers could transport themselves,
all of these people waiting
could be doing it, oh but their wealth…
Even in an epidemic,
people still cling to positions dangling,
that won’t likely exist,
when society re-opens everything.
Get the front line infantry to do it,
Oh and “the governor needs your hard hats” too
Then doesn’t wear them,
exposing us to whatever they’ve breezed through.
*rides bus home*
Greetings to those at home,
now straight to the shower,
clothes in a pile to be dealt with soon,
rinsing and lathering danger from today,
Soap suds don’t wash the anxiety away,
Boom after said precautions,
wipe down everything that I’ve used,
Feel the anxiety of having been in public today,
five days straight,
and my breathing has changed,
after a good supper,
my breathing could be deranged,
sharp piercing my chest,
could be gas buildup or trauma unrest,
it’s not the asthma,
the inhaler doesn’t do the trick yet,
my breathing is happening,
but only after shutters between belly button and neck,
the breathing is increasing,
only because of sleep and deep breaths,
I’m not sure how I’d feel if I had worked
the past three weeks in said mindset,
my breathing doesn’t jest,
It’s a combination of everything prior to this
new state of life and
unresolved life issues as of yet,
The reminder is set,
Bend, stretch, deep breathes,
Hold it, other side, this might be what’s best,
My breathing is happening
Only if I unfold where life is and what’s next.
Your past traumas are not your future’s fault